How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
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How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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