So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
