i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
