11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
