i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
