When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
