those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
