According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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