i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
