Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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