Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
