so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you traded sex for a burrito?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
