Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
