I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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