I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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