Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
