I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize