Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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