Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize