She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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