Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're a waste of cheezeits
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
