he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
