Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
