Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
