He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
