i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
