when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
