Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
