shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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