you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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