I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
