I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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