I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
