A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
