I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
