letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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