i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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