All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
