The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Randomize
