I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
