I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
