So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
