I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
