I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
