I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
