I think I am morally bankrupt
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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