your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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