he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
