got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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