I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Your cock deserves a montage
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
