I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I want to fling myself into the sun
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
