I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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