i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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