franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
