maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
