I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
