it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
