Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
