I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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