Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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