yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
