Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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