Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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