He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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