So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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