he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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