They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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