i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
