dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
did you just send me my own nude
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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