I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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