There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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