whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
