so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
