I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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