it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
