How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
